In recent social culture and online media, we can always see the word "pillow princess" frequently appearing in discussions. Especially in some short videos or emotional topics, it has become a hot topic. Of course, the popularity of this word is not only because the word itself is unique, but also because it has a touch of teasing charm. Moreover, different people have different definitions for this word. Is it a preference? Or an identity? Or an attitude towards intimate relationships? Or is it the self-mockery of local young people towards the "lazy" culture? As the phrase "lazy to give but eager to enjoy being loved" gradually becomes a popular label, "pillow princess" seems to have truly gone viral, not limited to the original special context.
What is "pillow princess"?
Today, let's talk about what "pillow princes" actually mean. Originally, it referred to the partying partner in sexual activities, and was usually applicable to women in the LGBTQ+ community. This basically indicates that in the bedroom, they are often the passive party. They enjoy the feeling of being satisfied by others and don't feel the need to reciprocate in the opposite way.
This term originally originated within the LGBTQ+ community, carrying a touch of light-hearted teasing. However, gradually, there were some elements of criticism incorporated into it. Some people would use "pillow princes" to refer to someone who only enjoys but does not contribute, thereby indicating that the person is not proactive or unequal. However, at the same time, it also reflects some connections within the community regarding sexual roles, active and passive, giving and enjoyment. It also makes us understand that even in seemingly equal same-sex relationships, there can be different levels in the expression of sexual behavior.
More Than a Sexual Preference, It’s a Cultural Signal
It is worth noting that "pillow princes" is not a strictly derogatory term. Instead, it is a description of a culture. Moreover, as more and more people become aware of this term and start using it, it has gradually "gone viral". Especially in online culture, it has been widely used and redefined by other groups such as heterosexuals or in unrelated contexts.
Does It have an opposite?
Since we have "pillow princess", then is there an opposite to it? For example, "pillow prince", or in this relationship, what would the relatively proactive and giving party be called.
In fact, through the term "pillow princess", the term "pillow prince" has also emerged. But it is not the title for the party that is proactive and giving. The opposite term "pillow prince" also refers to the party in gay male relationships who is accustomed to accepting and only likes to be served but does not actively contribute. However, this term is not common and is more often seen in social culture and online memes. Its attention is obviously far less than "pillow princess".
Do we really need "the opposite"?
We also have descriptions like "stone top" or "giver" that are more proactive and like to give others pleasure. On the surface, one is passive and the other is active, seemingly forming an opposing relationship. But are they really on opposite sides? Perhaps we have fallen into a binary trap. We are accustomed to having a positive aspect always having a negative counterpart. But labels are not always equal, and we should not force them into pairs. From a general perspective, they are exactly one positive and one negative, but the reason why "pillow princess" has become popular and gone viral is not only because it refers to a certain behavior between same-sex individuals, but also because it is a cultural phenomenon and even an attitude. While terms like "giver" or "stone top" seem to be derived from subculture and are a term in itself. Whether from the context or social acceptance or usage frequency, the two are not completely equivalent.
In fact, when comparing the two, there is actually an implicit criticism of "which sexual behavior is more advanced". This opposing thinking is very easy to lead us to criticize values, thus ignoring the true diversity of preferences.
Stereotype: Lazy? Selfish? Or misunderstood?
After the term "pillow princess" began to gain popularity on the internet, it quickly transformed from a label about sexual preferences to an emotional-colored online image. On most internet cultures and social media platforms, it is frequently associated with a series of negative traits such as "selfish", "lazy", "unwilling to give", etc., thus triggering many misunderstandings and controversies. Some even equate "pillow princess" with "one-sided lover" to imply that these women refuse to give to their partners but enjoy the results, being regarded as "emotional vampires". Meanwhile, within some queer communities, we also hear such a voice that criticizes that some women use the passive label "pillow princess" to evade responsibility or manipulate the dynamics of the relationship.
But is this really fair to "pillow princess"? While we are evaluating them, we ignore the possibility that behind it there might be a clear preference, an expression of emotion, or even a manifestation of trust. When we consider "active" as the sole criterion for participation in a sexual relationship, we often fall into a single understanding of sex.
In an intimate relationship or sexual interaction, "acceptance" itself is a form of participation. It requires relaxation, trust, communication, and response. This is not a sign of laziness, but a choice of body language. In fact, the reason you choose to accept is because you trust; the reason you remain still is because you feel safe. This is actually a soft yet firm expression of intimacy. When you are peacefully touched and loved, it is a kind of ability and a gift. Moreover, for many "pillow princesses", they are not always "inactive", but tend to express softness, passivity, and trust in the relationship, which is not wrong in itself. Labeling them as "selfish" or "unequal" is often a single assumption of "equal" sexual behavior under the mainstream heterosexual culture.
The label is not a definition.
"Pillow princess" is not a definition. It doesn't mean that once you are labeled with this term, you can't get rid of it. On the contrary, it is a starting point for you to explore a new self. If you think the term "pillow princess" can better fit you and describe a part of you, then you can learn to gradually accept it.
This is not saying that you can only be in a "passive" state. It's because you know what you like, what you want, and what kind of connection is most comfortable for you. Other people's comments on you are ultimately not about you; only you are the master of your body.
We all live in an era of rampant labels, where one glance might lead to being labeled with various labels by others. But do these labels really define who you are? You should be willing to know yourself and boldly express yourself. This is the true power.
Own Your Desires, Define Your Role
Are you not quite sure if you are a pillow princess? Or do you not know exactly what role you play in a sexual relationship? Actually, none of these matters. What matters is whether you have expressed your own desires to the other person in sex, whether you have felt understood by them, and whether you have truly been happy. Whether you are the active one, the passive one, or a mixture or uncertain one, you deserve to have a sexual relationship that makes you feel safe and happy. A pillow princess doesn't have anything to be ashamed of. Be bold and be your own princess.