awkward couple in bed

Why sex feels awkward and what we should do about it

Sex is sometimes comfortable and good, but sometimes it can become very awkward and many people don't know what to do when they are faced with this situation, in this article I'm going to talk to you about the reasons why this situation occurs, it may not always be a negative one, and knowing how to deal with the situation correctly may help you.

Navigating the Awkwardness of Asking

There are many situations where embarrassment occurs during sex, even when it is not related to a sensitive topic such as sex, asking for what you desire or need can be embarrassing, not everyone feels completely sure about what they want, so negotiating with friends or family can bring on feelings of embarrassment. This feeling is perfectly normal, and if you are prone to feeling awkward, try communicating more about your needs with your partner and try to be positive about what you really think.

How to Inquire

Perhaps in our education we are not often encouraged to seriously consider our true needs and are more torn about what we really want. Often times we unconsciously make choices that may go against our hearts in order to fit in and satisfy the desires of others, which is an unhealthy behavior. Talking about sex-related topics may make you uncomfortable in expressing your desires, so let me explain why this feeling arises for you.

Most of us aren't used to talking about sex

Many of us are very shy about talking about sex and greatly avoid sex-related topics in our daily lives, a situation that may be influenced by American culture or by other factors. These factors make it awkward and challenging to talk about sex or one's sexual desires, not only for those who don't know much about the topic, but also for those who do know something about it. Sex-related topics carry a heavy stigma, best exemplified by the profanity that you hear around you all the time, and a large portion of that profanity is sex-related.

Talking about one's sexual desires can feel shameful and uncomfortable because social norms default to the idea that sex is a private matter and should not be discussed in public, while the education we receive emphasizes sexual privacy and discourages talking about related topics, which creates an environment in which sex is not appropriate to talk about.

Sex can often be awkward
a couple in bed

People may feel awkward and uncomfortable when they have their first sexual encounter or explore new sexual experiences with their partner. If sex is a completely new activity for you, then you may feel awkward when trying something new, such as the intimacy of putting your mouth or tongue to stimulate certain erogenous areas, or touching each other's genitals up close, etc. This intimacy may be uncomfortable.

This kind of awkwardness is not only in the first sexual experience, even after many sexual encounters, awkwardness may exist, regardless of the level of familiarity with the other person, strange sensations occurring in the body during sex or the state of being unsatisfactory may happen, and this situation may also lead to some interesting moments.

You may have seen moments in pornographic movies where people have unexpected laugh-out-loud moments during sex, but that doesn't quite match up with real life. In real life it could be a strange position that triggers laughter, or it could be a fart or a burp during sex. It's these lighthearted and funny moments that make your sex life seem real and intimate.

Embrace awkward

In my opinion, if sex is always smooth sailing with no awkward moments, then it probably isn't really sex. There are countless reasons why sex is awkward, and sometimes it's even unavoidable. Instead of denying or avoiding these moments, I suggest embracing them.

Pretending that awkward or annoying moments don't exist can lead to missing out on deeper connections that make sex special and intimate. Instead of focusing on the sexual act itself, I believe we should seek meaningful connection and mutual enjoyment. We must recognize that people engage in sexual activity for a variety of reasons and that pure pleasure is not the only motivation.

In addition, doing your best to avoid embarrassment may force you to follow a predetermined script of how sex "should" unfold. Strict adherence to this script may give the illusion of competence, but it can actually mean the opposite. Strict adherence to a performance-oriented script may prioritize superficiality over the real experience, which can lead to non-consensual interactions where the focus is on the act rather than the partner's experience.

Communication Trumps Discomfort

I honestly believe that communication trumps the pressure to adhere to a predetermined script. Whether it's a detailed discussion of sexual preferences beforehand or ongoing communication during the event, there will inevitably be awkward moments.

While discussing our desires can be challenging, avoiding these conversations increases the risk of unpleasant or non-consensual sexual experiences. For sex to be truly pleasurable, it must be mutual, which requires recognizing and respecting each other's needs and desires.

When an awkward situation arises, the key is to acknowledge it, not ignore it. If things aren't going as planned or don't feel right, take a moment to pause. It's perfectly fine to express discomfort or acknowledge a funny moment. Instead of holding on through the discomfort, put your feelings into words like, "This feels awkward," "Let's take a break," or "I'm feeling a little off." Don't rush, take your time and refocus on paying attention to your partner's and your own feelings.

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